Light and Shadows
The midday sun rests on the outside entrance to the cave. A glorious orange is brought to liven the rustic clay of the outer surface. Five feet in, as far as the eye can see, the blackness is immense, so dark and vast that it brings a sudden silence to the mind. The mind finds it difficult to comprehend a world without shadows. Reminiscent to the midnight sky before pearls of glistening stars sparkle lights forefront to the pitch black backdrop. A feeling of absolution. Lacking of duality, stillness. Deep longing and sadness. So black that only a sharp pain is felt in the guts. As I light a fire to a candle I see the light begin to crimson every dark corner and stone, awakening the shadows, invoking a soft dance. Shifting the despair of absolution. Precious light. The darkness has no power over it. Ever.
I sit in shadows. The mind is always moving, shifting, judging. Resolving this dysfunction is sitting with it. Allowing the mind to slide into the backseat. Easy practices are the most difficult for people to commit to. When we sit in silence, discomfort arises. Realizing my own personal relationship to meditation took some time. Vinyasa was my introduction to meditation. I had never felt more alive. Vinyasa continues to nourish me. Honest medicine for life.
Realizing how much comfort the moon gives me has been realized. We are connected to the world around us whether we are aware of it or not. The sun offers up strength and vibrancy. When I wish for comfort from the moon, I close my eyes and allow the feeling to pass through. When I need courage to call for action, or strength to continue, I let myself feel the wish to the Sun. A deep faith of knowing that I am connected to source always. I pray differently these days. We must know in our hearts of our own power and connection to the world around us, to each other, and to Source.
Mother Nature lives in the spirit of Grace. In beauty, the world needs not flaunt. I want to live like this. Loving myself in the way that I deserve, yet without asking from others more than I am willing to give myself. Im becoming more isolated. I find it difficult to frivolous and meaningless conversations. I seek deeper friendships with people who sit more in stillness.
Changing is difficult in the beginning. Living more intuitively takes silence in our day. Seeing our past patterns clearly takes meditation. There is a freedom that comes when the desire to explain yourself has disappeared. With the vanishing of patterns also comes forgiveness. It is nice to no longer be irritated by the past.
“What you seek is seeking you.” I find myself on the dark days, using what I have learned to get back to the space that serves up peace. Training my mind to catch quickly upon resinating into dark thinking. A simple practice.
Allow wildness and wonder in the everyday practice of breathe, movement, and silence. Dust yourself off to the possibility. This is who you really are.