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Too Light, Too Heavy, Too Hot



This week as my business continued to open back up I felt that I was once again hitting a climax, A place of the unknown. A place where I begin to ask myself, what will happen next. I keep hitting the thresholds of something new, something on the other realm of challenge and dare.

When Covid struck us, I was shut down completely for two months and it couldn’t have come at a more enlightening time of my business. I was here and now crashing into different levels of the abyss every other week, not sure how I could keep going and working the way I was, until here, we were struck with a brick in the window and all that I was left with was,,,,,stillness,. Alone time. Tons of room to think, tons of time to be alone. I liked it. I relished in it actually. I began to grow a meditation practice that was new and super light. It opened up channels of creativity. I also began to direct my business into new ways, opening up my Ayurveda branch which I had not been able to work into before due to “busyness.” And I finished my website and of course, as a small (very small) population of people in the world, I began to write, to create this blog. One little story at a time. Ive enjoyed it immensely.

One week to the next I see that my life is a rhythm and there is a faint underlying pulse that I can hear below the rhythm. Sometimes when Im at a stoplight and the world gets soft and quiet I literally feel that rhythm all around me as if Im in the eye of a storm and its super fascinating, and then I get caught up in the web again.

Ive been an avid reader since I was a little girl. My dad always talks about how I was always carrying a book underneath my arm and hiding and reading in small quaint corners of the house. Books have been everything to me. As a little girl I dreamed of becoming a great writer, chipping away at type writers and selling best selling books like Victoria Holt. My fascination with Victoria Holt has long since vanished into the abyss with those childhood dreams but one habit that did not vanish is my love of reading and writing. I always have a top ten list of favorite books, but there are always the three that remain there near my night stand on nights that I feel anxious, or alone, or irritated by people or circumstances that stick with me when the day is done. Books to live by or be inspired by. Books that remind us who we truly are.

The first book is The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. It is my go to book and I can open it up at any page and become still and soft. I find that it works the best when Im irritated by the world or begin to feel like i’ve forgotten who I am and what it all means. What it means in life to be kind, to be still, to see another human being as a child of the Gods, as sacred, no matter what package they are wearing or how many bad choices they have made or how mean spirited they have become. I just let these things go.

The second book I like to pick up when Im feeling depleted or anxious or uninspired. A little sad and a little alone. Depleted of creative energy and immovable. This is the Bhagavad Gita and I feel the air and magic of this book always lifts me up when I am heavy and burdened by my thoughts of the world and what it should be like opposed to what it is like in my personal judgements and opinions. It once again reminds me how beautiful this world is, and how grateful I should feel to be in it. And then the love begins to fill my heart back up and Im living in that pulse and rhythm. All is well.

The third book that keeps me sharp, focused, clean, pure and closest to the Love is the Yamas and Niyamas. When Im finding myself in states of untruth and manipulation. When I feel that I am not in the realms of my highest self and my soul is beginning to hide itself underneath all the crap I open it up and take a glance at which space, which practice I need to bring myself back into and I go into silence on this. How can I do better tomorrow. How can I adjust, clean it up, cut away, and begin to shine through once again.

Which books keep you clean. Which books inspire you? Which books do you refer to or keep near your heart, when you are feeling too light, too heavy, too hot…….

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